I knew when I was 10 that I wasn’t like a regular girl.
A regular girl knows stuff, she’s good, smart and understands the rules.
The rules confused me.
They didn’t make sense in my little body or feel real energetically. To me, real is how energy speaks; tones and vibrations, colors and the whispers God speaks within me, those are real.
What felt real to me at 10 years old were the nightmares that kept me awake night after night. The people that I saw in my room, but was told weren’t really there, rather they were fake, imagined, a lie, another bad dream.
I was wrong, even when my body longed for me to hold onto the truth that I knew God was speaking to me. Not being right, “I don’t know” was my new truth, and it was acceptable to my teachers, elders and peers. In order to be a regular, good girl, I had to not be myself.
My little self sank within. I learned to shut off those visits from spirit, going within my body to hide. That was my safety move, turn inward so as to not be seen, to fit in and adjust my energy to be like others.
The rules I believed in were, in order to be a regular girl, a “good girl” you must believe what adults tell you, shrink down and conform to their truths.
I grew up believing in untruths. They haunted me. Sometimes they still do.
The unlayering of those untruths and stories I told myself, the ones I held deep within, were wrapped around my heart and strangling me. They were tearing me up both emotionally and physically. The untruths became unbearable to believe in.
Losing my little self to reframe who I was in order to please others was how I lived my life. Until one day in 2008 when a man stepped into my shoe boutique and the Angels spoke loud and clear inside of me.That day, I listened intently. I heard their directions. In a seemingly silent moment I was guided to safety. I followed my truth, had I not, I shudder to think of how that man would have hurt me.
Surrender. I hear this word float up from within me. I’m not used to listening and following this tone, I let it float by. Time goes by, I hear surrender and pray. Okay, I think to myself and agree to try. Tuning inward has saved me. I believe that God sent His Angels on that day to wake me up and remind me of who I really am.
Up until that time I had glimpses of me. Times when I followed the soft loving tone from within and felt real. They were fleeting moments rather than what has become my new norm. Love embraced me as I embraced love. There were times when I felt God had abandoned me. Times where I was so lonely, sad and uncertain that I doubted and loathed myself. I never considered that I was depressed, no I felt responsible for those feelings, I felt deserving of them.
Why do I bring this up now, during a pandemic when we are home in quarantine?
Well, I was just sitting with God, talking about how far I’ve come from believing I was an unlovable, un-talented soul. Remembering how much self care and love I needed and poured into my life little bits at a time. It wasn’t easy. Nothing worth doing is easy.
God reminded me this morning of how my writing heals me, and others. God has a plan for our well-being. It’s not hard to find and implement into our lives once we align with how His Divine plan and love works. Coming to our souls’ truth is a journey well worth taking. Scary, sure it can be.
For example, take me writing a book. That was a big, scary bold move for me. If you’ve heard me speak before, then you know I am dsylexic. Writing for me is a challenge. I created a procedure that I follow which helps me to flow while I am channeling. From a meditative state I connect to Spirit, align with the message and automatically the words begin flowing outwardly, it’s a unique to me method that my Angels guided me to develop. Inside my new book Believe . . . Angels Don’t Lie I share methods like this that you can utilize for strengthening your relationship to self and God.
Knowing what God has planned for my life brought me forward to where I am now, it’s also guiding me forward to where I am going. Big, bold dreams of writing and sharing God’s love, messages and guidance are now safe and real for me. Just as real as the sun and the moon.
God has a plan for your life, I share how you can find it inside the pages of my new book, Believe . . . Angels Don’t Lie
What dreams are you holding within? Share them in the comment section below.
I pray this serves you today!