Having been married for 33 years I’ve experienced trials in my marriage. I have documented most of the happy times in photo’s, videos and we even have those memorable moments that leave a lasting impression we can reminisce and laugh about from time to time.
What we don’t always do is reflect on the hard times. You know the ones when you are on the edge of falling apart.
My marriage has always been a priority to both my husband and I. And we knew our odds were not in our favor for having our young relationship last. I was just 20 when we said our “I do’s”, high school sweethearts that came together at 17. The family, friends and random people we ran into would state things like “you’ll never it make it”.
We have a great life, and a strong marriage. But it isn’t as easy as just saying those words. It takes strength and faith to see you through the times when you feel broken or like you just don’t want to work on it.
So how do you keep a long term relationship healthy when you want to throw the towel in, or when it’s the last thing you feel like pouring your energy into?
I am not alone in this, I’ve met so many women who fall into the pattern of losing themselves in their marriage. Hey, you love who you love and with that comes the good, the bad and the in-between times.
During a recent session with a woman who was feeling like giving up Spirit offered my client clear steps that helped her immediately change the course of where her marriage was heading. She could recognize where and how she lost sight of her power.
Here’s how it began: I sat across from my client I started how I always start a session with a conversation within, saying hi God, I’m ready to work and instantly my energy is plugged into the Divine flow and I am tuned into what’s energetically going on with my client. During this session Spirit guided me to understand the depleted state she was in.
It wasn’t the first time I’ve heard “Jeanne I don’t know what to do my marriage is a wreck,” and I’m sure it won’t be the last time either.
Marriage is hard. Marriage is supportive. Marriage is loving. Marriage is emotional.
The truth is being married is not meant to be easy. It is meant to teach, elevate, support, nurture, forgive, heal, connect, inspire, grow and survive all the above and then some.
Here is my longevity marriage list…
We started this early in our marriage, where we dedicated one night a week to us. When finances were sparse, we got creative and took a car ride, strolled through Home Depot or walked the mall. We even got some friends to do the same, and it became their saving grace as well!
You must respect yourself first and show respect to your partner. The old rule is true here, you get what you give. If you want respect, well then look at how you are treating yourself and your partner!
You have feelings and so does your partner be kind, validate their pain by listening with an open heart and mind. Leave judgement out of the conversation!
Let The Past Go
Holding on to the past is how you will never move forward in your relationship. Offer forgiveness when necessary and leave yesterday’s crap where it belongs in the past!
For Gosh’s sake… Put your phone away
Be present with your partner. Don’t get lost in the relationship with your phone… it will never return the energy you give it!
Get out and have fun. Laughter is the best medicine. Do things together that light your souls up!
The easiest and fastest way to spark your and your partners mojo is when you are close. Hold hands, say kind things, rub each other’s back. Find ways to be intimate every day and the love spark will keep on flaming!
Make The First Move
When you are feeling a lull or lack in your relationship, it’s time to up your game, be the brave and make the first move. Start a conversation, write a love letter, pick some flowers, make a nice meal. There are so many things you can do to make your partner feel valued and loved!
Don’t Go To Bed Angry
This was hands down the best advice I was ever given. No matter how big, messy or exhausting that fight or disagreement is fix it before your head hits that pillow. Never go to bed angry with unresolved issues.
If you are wondering just how you can go to bed when it seems the worst thing is happening to you, take a moment to scroll back up through this list and you see a solution for your hard time in one of my marriage tips.
I know it’s hard but ask yourself this, if I am invested in my marriage could it be better? And what does your better look like?
Try this out when you are on the edge: Remember your spouse is human and made a mistake and is need of your compassion. Forgiveness isn’t something we rush into and it’s not the norm for most couples. However a steady and true relationship doesn’t get that way without compassion and forgiveness.
Here’s an analogy the Angels taught me. Life is a highway. You can try to manage the flow of traffic (your spouse) and how irrational they drive, but you will do so at a cost. The cost is everyone has their own sidewalk to keep clear of debris. If you spend all of your time in the middle of the highway, your sidewalk will become messy, overgrown and there will be no clear to path to walk on. Reflect on what energy you are putting out. If you’re always directing traffic you won’t see your own mess.
And one more thing, every single soul deserves to be loved, but not everyone has been shown or taught how to do so. Are you the one that God is calling to be the teacher of love? Or maybe you are the one who is being asked to receive and you keep pushing love away. Have you’ve been taught that love has conditions? Soften your tone, learn new ways to show up with gratitude, love yourself and respect your spouse.
What’s your favorite marriage advice?
Leave a comment below and let me and the other lovely souls who come here to learn, grow and heal in on your story! You never know how your positive words can change someone’s life!
Know someone who lost their power and is struggling in their marriage? Share this post with them and invite them to attend SHINE with you!