Purpose in the Midst Of Grief

By Denise Cox

2 years ago, life seemed to be finally working out for my husband and I. My husbands business, which was started over 10 years ago, finally took hold and became a successful enterprise for 21 families. As we had dreamed about 25 years ago, we had a thriving business, for car service, race department & a vintage department. He had engineered a dependable staff that we could trust to start living our lives together, taking vacations and family time. On October 15, 2018, my husband was diagnosed with Pancreatic cancer. He died one year and 1 month later, leaving me as a 51 year old widow. A year earlier my mother’s lung cancer put her into Hospice, I was able to fully present as one of her caregivers. At the time, I didn’t know that I was in training for my husband, but I learned a lot of things during these last two years that changed me forever, for the better.

WHAT I’VE LEARNED FROM GRIEF

• To be 100% present.

• The importance of self care.

• To do things with pure intention.

• To be a better listener.

• To live with full gratitude.

• Be thankful for what you DO have not what you don’t.

• To be loved.

• To put family first, always, they complete us.

• To receive.

• To put myself first.

My confidence was still evolving.

I was reconstructing with purpose and authenticity. All of the mistakes I had made along the way had taught me what to do and what not to do.

My father had taught me to continue doing things for myself while my husband was in treatment. For example, when he was receiving chemo, go outside, take a walk, go to appointments and so I did. I made appointments with the museum to continue my project with them. I met with my suppliers and did things that kept my world alive.

After he passed, I did have a lot of paperwork and organization for my life moving forward. But I still had ME… MY PURPOSE to go back to. It gave me reason to keep going. It gave me something to fill me up and wake up with excitement.

Life will never be the same without my Mother and my Husband. BUT I do know that they are encouraging me to keep going, keep believing and keep living my best life day to day. This is why I still feel so loved, in fact I almost feel more loved than ever, it’s a heavenly love that has no judgements or limits.

What does grief look like?

Grief can be very ugly, sad and lonely, because many people don’t know where to turn or how to feel so generally speaking they go within themselves and pick themselves apart. They find all they things they wished they could have done and focus on that. This is very destructive and doesn’t end well.

I chose a different path. I chose a path of love, self acceptance which has resulted in a stronger “ME”. I find so much strength in self care and spending time where it matters most. I was given a gift of “Purpose and Unity” to help others to see the best in themselves and by living it out I am healing myself every day. My journey begins within myself/yourself. It is a time where you make a point to reflect and dig deep inside for what’s most important.

Death is so final, this is where my pain comes in.

I cannot go back and change things from the past, but I can change my future. I can chose every step with great intention, which is what I do. It’s working really well for me. I am making decisions that I have wanted to do, like build an enterprise to share PURPOSE, UNITY, HARMONY & LIGHT with others. I feel support in a very uplifting way. I am healing in my creativity everyday. I find that when I give to others, share my story, I give another HOPE.

This was confirmed for me right before COVID. I was visiting one of my best friends in CO, she took me to a bible study where there was a guest speaker from Florida, speaking about raising a child differently. It was about the gift and challenge of raising a child that was different, who had trauma.

My heart broke

Wide open, the tears ran fast and in so many ways I gained a hope and different approach in loving my own child that confirmed I was doing things the right way, no matter what judgments came my way. I learned that loving unconditionally, the way Jesus loved us was the only way. I left this talk with a healed heart and most importantly a voice to share with others. For so long, I had been apologetic and very private.

NO MORE. My life has an even greater PURPOSE now and I see it so clearly, it still brings tears to me.

By speaking, I have learned to have a voice to share with others about my journey has been so healing in so many ways.

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